Dependence

Last year, I picked the word dependence as my word for the year. The last couple years I have really seen God show up and I have seen some of the amazing things He is doing in my life and the world around me. Throughout 2020 I wanted to focus on dependence on God and God alone. 

As somebody that has struggled with a lot of fear, worry, overthinking and doubt–I was at a point where I was fed up with myself and how I was holding me back from so much. So… this past year I decided that through it all I needed to shift my focus to God. I wanted to learn to completely depend on God and put all of my trust in Him because He is in control, He knows me, He has a plan for me and His ways are higher than my ways. 

Instead of going down the usual rabbit holes of questioning my abilities and fearing the unknown–I worked to give it all to God. I wanted to learn what it looked like for me to truly depend on God in all areas of my life.

One of the biggest opportunities that have come out of depending on God has been this mission trip!

I wanted to share a little bit of what that process looked like and how it has led me here.

Here is the story on how I heard about semesters, where I was then, and how I got to where I am:

It was fall of my senior year, I still didn’t know what I wanted to do after high school and my mom heard of the World Race. I loved all things travel and had loved my past mission trip. When my mom told me to look into their different programs, I thought it looked so cool, but almost instantly I shot myself down.

“I would LOVE to do that, but I could never”

“I’m not good enough”

“I would not benefit them by being there”

“that is too scary”

etc.

and I left it at that.

2019 was a major year of growth for me. There was a lot of personal growth: I grew in my faith and closer to God. A key story in the Bible that really helped me switch my mindset was Moses.

In the story of Moses and the Burning Bush, God said:

“So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.”

But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”

And God said, “I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.”

(Exodus 3:10-12)

I have spent many years in that “who am I” state, but now I know that it is not about me or what I can do, but about my God–who He is and what He can do through me! I am ready to embrace the missions that I never thought I could do.

While I’d grown a lot, I still had so much more growing to do! Coming to the beginning of 2020, I chose dependence. I wanted to let go of my desire for control and let God have it. I wanted to live my life for God and do what He led me to do.

In March, I started working on a plan for my future. Making plans and any decisions is honestly very hard for me, but I finally did it I came up with a little game plan of what my next few semesters would look like with school and work. I would end up with a free semester and the first thing that came to mind was the semesters trip. This time I didn’t instantly shoot it down–I kept seeing all these signs pointing me to go.

I knew this journey wouldn’t be easy for me, but I decided to try. I thought if this is where God wants me to be He’s going to get me there. I prayed about it and did my part–started the application! Instantly my overthinking and worry kicked in. I had to actively shift my focus to God throughout the whole process and constantly work to depend on Him through it all–this included a lot of prayer, time in the word, devotionals and journaling too. Depending only on God doesn’t always come natural to me, but is 100% worth it every single time. 

By actively depending on God for each part of this trip, I was better prepared to let plans change. I remember on my interview call at the beginning of this whole process they told me to hold on to the specific route with open hands and consider that change is possible (especially during this crazy time). They also encouraged me to follow Jesus wherever it is! This helped prepare me when the Africa route was cancelled. 

I was getting so excited to go to Africa, but plans changed. In that moment, I needed then more than ever to turn to God and trust in His plans. I had to lean into the fact that He knows what He’s doing and He will be working in more ways than I could’ve ever expected in South America!

This last year has been a bit hectic, but in constantly focusing on depending on God–I saw Him calm the storms I could never face on my own and He showed me that I am more than the box that I put myself in!

So now… here I am less than two weeks away from going on the biggest adventure of my life, and I’m so ready to learn to depend on God in more ways than I would ever know how!